An Attitude of Gratitude

I want to share with you my feel good moment of the year.

When our family went to Children's last month we saw a lot of familiar faces and the thing we were most thankful for was that they all remember Sutton and our family. They even commented on how out of the hundreds and hundreds of patients they get, Sutton is someone they talk about quite often. When it was time to go we took the elevator to the parking garage. When the doors opened, we saw one of Sutton's cardiologists. We tried to make small talk and wished him a Merry Christmas and although he was really nice, we kind of knew he didn't remember us. We were a little bummed but Sutton can't be a celebrity to everyone.

Then this week in the mail, we got a card from him! He explained that it was a long day and he just couldn't place us until moments later. But what he wrote is something I will treasure forever. He simply stated that he wanted us to know that he remembers Sutton and will never forget him. He also wrote about not letting a moment pass you by because you may regret it forever and that's why he reached out to us.  What an amazing person to take the time do this for us.

I always wonder where the kindness and compassion come from. Most people probably have the same assumptions we did before Sutton died, that it would be our close friends and family would be there for us with compassion no matter what. However, that isn't always the case.

There's really no 'right' way to handle our loss, but there are many 'wrong' ways, if that makes any sense. For instance, avoidance isn't really the way to go because everyone has some kind of 'tell' that causes the uncomfortableness. However, addressing the loss is right even if it seems uncomfortable or isn't met with eagerness. It's always 'right' when they show kindness and compassion. You know what the 'tell' is? They look you in the eye. They ask how you are doing and don't stop when they hear you say fine. They always talk about Sutton. Here's the big one; they invite you into their lives or ask to be part of yours in some way. And some of these people weren't around Sutton or our family very often.

I have a friend who I used to talk to almost every day when I was 17. Life happened and we went in different directions, but somehow she came to learn about our family when Sutton was in the hospital. She lives across the country and there isn't a week that goes by that we don't have some form of contact. She always seems to know the tough days and sends me love in one way or another.

Beginning of a
great friendship

I have another friend who was actually one of my first friends. Our parents were friends and we used to crawl around on the floor together exchanging toys to chew on and seeing who could make the most noise. Again, life happened and we went in different directions even though we lived in the same town. When the news of Sutton's condition became public, she was one of the first people to become a bigger part of our lives. I completely adore her and don't think I would be able to get through some days without her smile and encouraging words.

Handmade for Amos
from the Konyu
Families

My mom has some amazing friends and luck would have it that one of them has a son who is a surgeon.  Even better, he would help operate on Sutton.  Since Sutton's diagnosis, he has been someone I think about almost every day.  He took time away from his life to check in on my family and me and offer any support possible.  He hasn't stopped.  Neither have his parents.

Sutton's doctors and nurses are a topic of conversation in our home all the time.  Although we don't have BBQ's or chat on the phone, we feel very close to them.  They were there for every single hospital moment, including the day he died.  They have given us something that only now do we realize is essential to our steps forward, they loved Sutton too.
 
I believe it takes a village to raise a child and because of that, I was able to form an incredible friendship with the boys' daycare provider. Although that is her day job, she and her husband are so much more to our family. She has gotten me through some of my darkest days and allowed me to grieve in my own way while holding my hand. Her compassion and wisdom are a big part of why I can take positive steps forward.
 
There are so many more people like this in our lives. I wish I could write about all of them but this entry would become a novel. We also have some amazing people in our lives that have been there since before kids, marriage, college, etc. We are completely in debt to these people, along with our family.
 
To all of you, from every space in my heart, thank you.
 
Most days I don't think it could get worse but then I remember that we could be doing this alone.